Some will probably read this account and chastise me. They’ll criticize and armchair quarterback what I “should have done.” It’s easy to look back at a situation and nitpick or find fault, especially when you weren’t there. Especially about others. But as I explained before, I was dead tired and didn’t acknowledge I was in the room when I first heard that door open. I’ve explained why. In the moment, it all made sense. And then when it turned out to not be the best choice, it was too late, and I had to adjust my plan under rapidly changing circumstances.
And because of those adjustments, I found myself veiled in darkness and wrapped in a blanket, equally aroused and terrified, thinking I was nearly through this unexpected display of sexual release by my cousin. Yes, I admit it was undeniably erotic. And I admit that I found my cousin, who I hadn’t seen in a few years, had grown into a physical beauty that matched her personality. But I never intended to spy on her. It happened… and plans had to change. The new plan was to keep quiet to avoid an extremely awkward and potentially relationship-ruining (not to mention startling) announcement of my presence. The new plan was to let her finish and go back upstairs. The new plan was to never divulge what I’d seen and continue our friendship. The new plan was not to have her reach out in her sexual ecstasy and grab the blanket wrapping my foot.
I had just been thinking, “Here we go. She’s almost finished, and then she’ll get dressed and head back up to her bedroom.” But then that arm, that wonderfully graceful arm, searching for something, anything to hold as her breath quickened, lay down along the edge of the seat cushion. Finding the soft fabric of the quilt, she instinctively wrapped those fingers in and clenched. She didn’t exactly grab my foot, but as she pulled, the blanket, partially wrapped under my calf, did not go freely. And that resistance, that not-quite-expected outcome, triggered some primal alertness in her subconscious. Her vocals stopped. The hum of her toy continued only a moment longer before it too disappeared, signaling that her liftoff flight plan had been suddenly canceled. I lay there, waiting, trying to figure out a new plan. I contemplated moving my foot slightly in case she started feeling around but was relatively certain it would make a sound in the oppressive silence.
I imagined her laying there, ears straining, mind racing, wondering what was wrong. Had she not been so absorbed in her pleasure, she probably would have realized what was out of place right away, but it seemed as if luck might be with me. As we both lay there, one listening intently to figure out what was different, the other listening intently hoping to not be found out, a distant scratching sound was heard, followed by a short yip.
I heard Tara sit up. “Godammit, Trixie!” she muttered under her breath. “You have the worse fucking timing!” There was a brief illumination from her phone screen as she stood up on the far side of the divan before she put the phone down on the couch cushion next to some purple silicone. I caught a brief glimpse of her navel before the screen went dark. I then heard her slide her shorts up those beautiful legs. “You better not wake anyone up you damned dog!” she hissed across the room. I heard her pad back towards the staircase. As she did so, I slowly drew my leg up so that my foot wasn’t down near where she’d been laying.
Fuck, I thought. If Trixie comes down here, she’ll smell me for sure and come bounding over to the couch.
I heard the sliding door roll open and Tara’s bare feet slowly move up the stairs. She’d kept the lights off, I assume in case someone was with the dog. I cringed, expecting to hear the turn of the knob at the upper door, but none came. Instead, I heard Tara whisper, “Stop scratching at the door, you silly pooch. It’s just me.” Her voice was much friendlier than her earlier curse. I thought I heard a small whine in response and then, unbelievably, nothing more. I strained to hear anything further, but the distance and the insulation were too much. Apparently, Trixie had accepted that all was right in her domain and had moved on because Tara came back downstairs. I wondered if she was going to lie down and finish the job or if she’d lost the mood due to the interruption. I was torn on which outcome I wanted more.
I felt her gently bump the back of the couch. It was her house, so she clearly knew the layout. Who knows, maybe this wasn’t the first time she’d snuck down here to take care of business. The thought slipped through my head like lightning and across my body only a microsecond later. I could hear her hand running along the backrest as she made her way to the corner and then up along the side wing of the sectional before it dropped down to the divan. There was a faint tap as her fingers hit either her phone or vibrator followed by a slithering, a brief pause, and then the thunk-thunk of something hitting the floor and bouncing somewhere inside the U of the sectional. “Shit!” she uttered İstanbul Escort under her breath, her hand reflexively grasping at the back cushion to no avail.
I froze. If it was the toy and she turned on the phone flashlight to look around, I was toast. I contemplated pulling my head under the covers quietly enough not to be heard before she did so but knew that would be impossible. Instead, I closed my eyes about ninety percent, squinting just enough that I could tell if she turned on the light and then maybe pretend I was sleeping.
I heard her tapping against the couch again and the sound changed as she hit plastic. No light came on, so it must have been the phone that fell after all. She was feeling her way around the divan and let out a soft curse as I felt the couch shift slightly when she bumped her knee or toe into the corner. The eroticism mixed with trepidation I’d felt earlier had completely given way to straight-up fear at this point. My heart rate was through the roof. I heard a joint pop as she got down on her hands and knees, followed by a swiffing sound as she swept her hands around the carpet trying to find the phone in the dark.
Tap, tap, swipe, swipe. She was looking all over near where the thunk had come from, so she had to be close. The floor was a thick carpet, so it probably didn’t bounce far. Finally, I heard her mutter, “Gotcha.” I barely had time to register what she’d said when the screen lit up her face. I slammed my eyelids closed. When a couple of seconds had passed and she didn’t yell at me, I opened them ever so slightly. My view was obscured by my eyelashes, but I could see that she was sitting on her knees, her chest still bare, her eyes looking all over the screen. Apparently satisfied with whatever she saw, she clicked it off and I heard her put it in the pocket of her shorts.
I was grateful it was away. She clearly knew her way around the room and now I didn’t have to worry about her seeing me. The new plan was that she would make her way back around the couch, grab her shirt and vibrator, and head upstairs.
Then I felt it. To help herself stand up, she’d put her hand down on the couch to brace herself. Right on my knee that I had bent to get my foot out of the way earlier. I felt the pressure, light at first and then heavier as she pushed in and got her feet under her. There was a moment of hesitation and, as if that primal instinct from earlier finally spoke up, I could sense the dawning in her mind that something was most definitely “awry”. A couple of inquisitive squeezes found my calf and then my foot. A sharp intake of breath was followed by a whispered, “What the fuck?”
I knew I was busted and didn’t know what to do. The plan was changing too fast for my terrified brain to handle. I was embarrassed and my mind was racing. The only thing I could think of was to close my eyes. I heard her fumble around and then, with a click, the back of my eyelids became a wall of blood-red as she used the flashlight feature to look at me.
“Nick?” Despite being a hiss, her voice, a mixture of disbelief and astonishment, felt loud in the darkness.
I stayed silent, hoping she would just assume I’d slept through the whole thing.
“Nick?” she said again, a bit more firmly.
Please, please, please, please. These are not the droids you are looking for. I lay there, still as stone and internally praying that she’d think I was asleep.
There was a long pause before she continued. “Nick… I… I know you’re awake. I can see your pulse in your neck and it’s elevated. Also, your eyes are twitching.” While I was expecting her to yell at me, instead she seemed a mix of exasperation, surprise, and embarrassment. Well, all things considered, I suppose that made sense too.
So much for any Jedi mind powers… I opened my eyes, squinting at the light and shielding them with my hand. I felt like a convict who’d just been caught tunneling out of their cell. “Um, hey, Tara,” I muttered. “Uhh… fancy meeting you here?”
Yeah, it was dumb, but my mind was completely derailed.
“What the fuck, Nick!” she exclaimed, and then, in a more suppressed voice, “What are you doing here?” She was sitting on the divan, but with the glare on my face, I couldn’t see much in the way of detail.
I sat up and took a deep breath. The gig was up, so I might as well face the consequences. I only hoped that I hadn’t completely killed our chance to reconcile and not have an awkward vacation. Or worse, make her so mad she would leave. Or tell my aunt and uncle. There were so many ways this could go wrong!
I scratched the back of my head as I tried to formulate my reply. I explained about the entire visit being a surprise, the delayed flight, and the plan to sleep in the basement. I paused for a second before adding, “Do you think you could lower your light just a bit?”
“Oh, sorry,” she apologized and tapped the screen. As the flashlight turned off, we plummeted back into near darkness, the only exception being the small patch of Escort Bayan light from the home screen. I caught a brief flash of her torso as she turned the screen around toward me to use it as illumination instead. Her feet were now lit in a faint glow. I blinked my eyes to once again clear the afterimage. My retinas were starting to ache with all the rapid light shifts I was subjecting them to this evening.
“How long have…?” She paused for a moment as if trying to collect her thoughts and refused to make eye contact. “Were you…? Did you…?” She let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course you did… God, I’m so embarrassed.”
I was about to apologize when she started talking again, her eyes narrowing as they swung back up to look at mine. “Wait… why didn’t you say something when I came down? Were you perving on me?” She had a bit of an edge in her voice now.
“NO!” I exclaimed and sat up straighter. “No, I didn’t even know you were here! At the house, I mean. When your mom and I made plans a couple of months ago, she told me you weren’t coming home for the holiday.”
“Oh. Yeah, well, I wasn’t originally. Plans changed about three weeks ago.” She sounded a bit mollified.
“She didn’t tell me. Must have wanted to keep it a surprise to me.”
“Yeah, that sounds like her.”
“Anyway, I was almost asleep and then I thought I heard something,” I continued, the words tumbling out as I started talking. My eyes were slowly starting to get used to the dark again and I could just make out the outline of her body and the glint of her eyes as she was watching me. “I was super tired and then I realized someone was down here when someone, you, laid down on the couch. I didn’t know who it was and I didn’t want to startle them. And as time went on, I realized I should have said something, but then I realize that whoever it was was…” I halted, realizing what I’d been about to say.
I could barely see her cover her face with her hands. “Oh, God!” she squeaked.
“Um.. yeah. And then it felt like it would just be awkward and might ruin the vacation and so I just thought that if I was quiet, Aunt Carol would finish and then leave, and then–“
“Aunt Carol?” she interrupted. “Wait. You just said you didn’t know who it was. Why’d you just say Aunt Carol?”
“Oh, well yeah. I mean, I could tell it was someone female and you supposedly weren’t here and I didn’t figure that Aunt B would have to come down here to… you know.”
There was a moment of silence and then a bark of laughter pierced the darkness. “Oh. My. God! That is hilarious. You thought Aunt Carol was down here jilling herself…”
“Awkward is more like it,” I said, chuckling as well. I was glad she was laughing rather than screaming at me. “It wasn’t an image I needed.”
“No, I suppose not.” She sat there silently for a few moments.
I waited for her to continue, but she didn’t. “Hey, Tara, can I ask you something?”
“What?” I could hear tension creep into her voice.
“Uh, can we turn on a light or something? This feels weird talking in the dark. Only if you’re okay with it though.”
“Yeah, hold on.” She stood up and used her phone to illuminate the floor as she made her way over to the bookcase. I could see her bare legs in the dim light. She clicked a switch and a small, decorative Christmas tree lit up. The light was warm and buttery, illuminating the room in a cozy glow that was barely more than a night light. The elongated shadows of the needles were mere smudges by the time they got to the wall. It was just enough to see her as she made her way back to the couch and sat down. She still hadn’t put on her top and her gorgeous breasts were on full display in the dim light.
“Uh, Tara?” I pointed at her chest, trying not to stare.
She glanced down. “Oh, crap. Sorry.” Her arm flew to her chest to cover them as best she could as she turned around to grab her t-shirt. Then, realizing her dilemma, she dropped her hand so she could maneuver the shirt over her head. “Well, it’s not like you haven’t seen them already,” she said as she pulled her hair up that had been trapped in the collar and let it fall on the exterior of the shirt. The t-shirt was tight and really only served to make her look more enticing with the way it filled out.
“Sorry,” I said, apologetically. “Really, I… I didn’t know. Well… I didn’t until you turned on your phone.”
She jerked her head up again and then closed her eyes, covering them with her hands. “Oh, yeah. That.” She cleared her throat. “This is so embarrassing.”
I shifted my position, pulling one leg up under me and trying to sit more comfortably in the corner of the couch. “Well… I thought it was really… umm, I mean, it’s normal. Like I’m not thinking you’re weird or anything. And you thought you were alone, so…” I shrugged.
She looked over at me again, a half smirk on her face. “Thanks. We’ll see how normal you feel when I walk in on you masturbating.”
“Ahh, well, fair point,” I admitted. When?
“Hey,” Eskort she said, standing up. “I’m chilly. Can we share the blanket?”
I smacked my head. “Oh, crap. Yeah. Sorry.” I glanced down at her bare legs now covered in goosebumps. “Here.” I pulled the blanket off of me and handed it to her.
She sat back down to my left on the other side of the corner piece so we could face each other. She fluffed the blanket and then laid it across her legs. I admit that I was a bit disappointed to see them disappear. She situated the pillows a bit and pulled her legs up to sit cross-legged. “Thanks. Mmm, nice and warm.”
I sat there in my t-shirt and sweats trying to think of something to say. How does one segue in this situation? “I’m glad to see you.”
“What?” She was eyeing me with one eyebrow raised.
“Your plans… I’m glad you changed them and didn’t stay at college.” I saw a bit of tension release from her shoulders. “I have been looking forward to seeing the family, but I was disappointed when your mom said you weren’t going to be here. I was looking forward to catching up. And having someone else my age to spend time with.”
“Yeah? Thanks. I’m glad you’re here too. My brothers… can be a handful.”
“I imagine.” Despite the awkward beginning, I could feel us relaxing and getting back to that easy camaraderie that always seemed to occur when we were together. It was late, but I didn’t mind as she started asking me about my new job. And that moved on to my questions about her schooling. It wasn’t long and you’d never have thought we’d just had such an embarrassing experience. It was during a lull in the conversation that I shivered uncontrollably.
“Hey,” she said, lifting the blanket. “We can share.”
Feeling less awkward, I shifted over a bit so that I could wrap a portion of the blanket around myself. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
I became more aware of how close our bodies were. I could feel part of her leg pressed near mine and an image of her bare leg being tensed up as she was pleasuring herself popped into my head. I squirmed a bit and tried to shove the thought aside. “So when did you get in?” I asked.
“A few days ago. It’s been nice, but… crowded.” There was something in the way she said that last word that caught my ear.
“Yeah, I suppose what with having Aunt Carol and Erik and their kids over.”
“Exactly. It’s been hard to find space or time for myself. Especially since…”
I waited a bit for her to continue, but she just had an awkward look on her face. “Since what?” I urged.
“Nothing.”
Now I was intrigued and wondered if there had been some kind of relationship trouble. “Tara… It seems like there’s something. You can tell me. I won’t be judgy.”
“It’s not that.”
“Not what? Judgy?”
“Yeah… ” She was staring at the shadows on the wall. “I know you wouldn’t. It’s more embarrassing than anything and I don’t know why I even started saying something. It just kind of slipped out.”
“Embarrassing? Oh, okay. Well, I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. If you don’t want to tell me, I won’t push. I just wanted you to know I was here for you is all.” I reached out under the blanket and meant to pat her arm but misjudged and ended up patting her thigh. God, her skin felt soft! As soon as I realized where my hand was, I quickly withdrew it with a muttered, “Sorry.”
“‘S’okay.” She turned her face back towards me and took a deep breath. “Do you ever have times where you just feel… um… really horny?” She kind of whispered those last two words.
I was so shocked by the question I barked a stifled laugh. “Uh, yeah! All the time. Why? Are you saying you were? Are? And it’s causing problems?”
I couldn’t see her blush in the dim light, but I could hear it in her voice. “Yeah. I don’t know what’s going on with me though. I’m a girl. Girls aren’t supposed to feel that way. I’ve asked some of my friends and none of them are like that. And one, she was downright dismissive of it and talked about boys like they can’t control themselves. Like there’s something wrong with them for wanting sex because they are just allowing themselves to be slaves to their base desires. I’m glad I didn’t mention that I’ve been feeling that way to her. But I’ve sometimes wondered if something’s wrong with me.” I heard her voice catch at that last sentence.
“Oh, Tara! No, that’s not true. There’s nothing wrong with you. I mean, I know that’s sort of the stereotypical model about women, but everyone has different drives. Some people feel the excitement–horniness, if you will–without any sort of stimulation. Others need stimulation to feel arousal. Just sounds like you’re the former is all.”
She looked at me for a few moments, a partial smile on her face. She seemed to relax slightly. “Really? I wasn’t aware of that. I thought that boys were generally horny and girls weren’t. So how do you know? You sound all clinical.”
“Oh, well, I’m just a guy who’s a slave to his base desires.” I grinned and was happy when she smiled back. “But seriously, I’ve been reading some blogs about sex and relationships. I listen to a podcast sometimes too. I think the two drives are called…” I had to pause and think. “Ummm… Spontaneous and… Reactive? Or maybe it’s responsive.”